EATING YOUR CAKE...

The late author Harlan Ellison, a brilliant writer, friend and quasi-mentor of mine, was devoted to the proper use of language. As a writer and lover of the language he would often correct people who misspoke, those using words or phrases in the wrong way - usually involving his distaste for anyone using the word "like" as a pause, or "awesome" for anything that really, on the face of it, was not.

"The universe is awesome. The Grand Canyon is awesome," he would observe, "your cheeseburger is not."

And one of his biggest pet peeves was the phrase "Eat your cake and have it too." All too often it is reversed and people will be heard to say "Have your cake and eat it too."

Harlan would point out that there's really no trick to having a cake and then eating it. The real trick is to eat your cake and yet still have it. Hence "Eat your cake and have it too."

So. Why am I referencing this? What possible connection is there between Harlan's lighthearted jabbery and this blog?

I find myself in the unfortunate position, as both a spirits professional and admitted lover of consumption of the stuff, to be wanting to eat my cake and still have it.

In my line of work you run across a lot of collectors. People who buy bottles for the simple purpose of putting them on a shelf and knowing that they own a hard-to-find spirit such as Pappy's, Blanton's, Willet 6 year, Colonel EH Taylor, Weller's, or Henry McKenna 10. (And those are just the bourbons - and an incomplete list at that.)

We call those particular bottles "unicorns" to reference that they are hard to find and disappear quickly if seen.

In my case I purchase bottles to, at some point, consume them. I want to enjoy the liquid inside the bottle, not simply look at them on the shelf in admiration.

(I often tell people to disregard the advertising campaign, the label, the bottle and the price. If you like the liquid inside a bottle it doesn't matter whether it's a $5 bottle or a $500 bottle. If you dislike the contents, again it doesn't matter whether it's $5 or $500. More importantly, I see a lot of people purchasing alcohol based on advertising and social status rather than taste. Several very well-known brands are actually pretty poor representatives of their category, but they have advertising and social cues which tell consumers they're the "bee's knees.")

Examples of this include some of the bourbons I've bought and consumed over the last year or so. Two bottles of Henry McKenna 10 year. A bottle of Hancock Reserve. A bottle of Weller's. A bottle of Blanton's. And others. (Working in a liquor store has its advantages.)

In addition I have a bottle of rum from Cuba - obviously in short supply given the current American administration's aversion to the island. Havana Club 6 year. I bought two and last year consumed one of them over the course of some months.

But I've found myself adopting a "collector's" mentality on some things, and it's frustrating me. I want to drink my cake, and yet still have it under my cabinet. The bottles in question aren't really unicorns, other than the above-referenced Havana Club rum. I have a bottle of Clyde May's signed by his grandson at the Whiskey on the Rocks event in October. I have a bottle of Señor Rio tequila, partly consumed but I don't want to finish it off. A Grangestone bourbon double cask.

A bottle of Papa's Pilar rum. A bottle of Loch & Union barley gin.

All of them stunning examples of their categories, and ranking as my favorite brands. But the irony is I don't want to finish them off - I'd rather spend some cash and get other, lesser bottles of liquor for steady consumption.

Which, of course, flies in the face of my stated position that the liquid in the bottle is intended for consumption.

I know Harlan's response would be something along the lines of "oh, for fuck's sake, just drink 'em!" But I need to reconcile my philosophy of enjoying the flavors, with my desire to always have them in my cabinet.

And that, friends, means that I want to eat my cake and have it too.